I do not know why that I allowed myself to be hurt yet again. It seemed as if I was on my way to recovery; that I am doing the things I wanted to do; that I can get on with my life. But how wrong was I? I finished the day early today and thought of going back early to be with the kids. I reached home, it was 4.30pm. When I turned the last corner, I saw her car parking outside the gate. I parked my car at the other corner as her car will be blocking mine. I took my bag from the car and walked towards the gate. She was making a three-point turn. I reached the gate and I can vaguely see her. I saw S in the front seat and she was waving at me. My father-in-law was standing by the gate. He gave me a strange look and I did not looked at them again as I walked towards the front door. I went into the house and F came out to greet me. She was still in her uniform as she told me that she just came back from school. S was gone, the little one was gone as well; so was the maid. F went into the study room to do her project work on the computer and I followed her into the study room as well. I took a rest on the little bed and dozed off briefly. Then my phone beeped - a SMS came in. She: "Are you ok? Look Sian" Me: "OK. I can manage" She: "What is wrong. Want to share?" "Why? Is it work prob?" "Let me know if I can help. Dun want to affect kids" Me: "It is OK. Nothing you can help" "Just spend more time with the kids" She: "These few days busy. Got tender and planning for biz trip. But picking them up tom to stay overnite" Me: "OK" She: "Has ur prob got to do with me? Pl b frank" "Change hp no troublesome. Hav to update so many things. Sigh" "??" Me: "I am sorry to have cause u concern" She: "Pl dun give my new no to irrelevant ppl" Me: "I wont" She: "No i m still concern. Is it health prob?" Me: "No" She: "So wat is bugging you?" Me: "I still miss u terribly. I am sorry. But i will manage." She: "ok" Then she went on and on about how I should do thinkgs and occupy myself like what she was doing - packing her days full of activities. And she went on and on but I was not listening. I thought I have got over it; I thought I was capable of detaching myself; but now I know I was deluding myself. She is still very much part of me; her every words and actions have a direct effect on me. Yes, I still miss her terribly; I still long for her; and I just want to see her. I was already trying very hard to move forward and not to think about her. But why she wanted to bring it all up again? Why the concern about me? Why? Why? Why? I just want to be me, to live my life with my kids. What was she thinking? That I should look happy in front of her? Or I should act to be happy in front of her? I was not happy and I was not going to fake it. Yes, I was moving on with life but the hurt was still there. I was trying not to think about the hurt but I was only human. Then the kids came back - S and the little one. She did not even come into the house. She was gone. The maid prepared our dinner and we sat at the dining table. F was at her bubbling self - telling me how she fared for her common tests - she did well and passed all of them. And she told me she got perfect marks for her history. S as usual at her dinner slowly. The little one was at her mischievious best - making us laugh through the dinner.