Thursday, March 03, 2005
After our exchanges of SMS about "how disconnected" she was with the kids, she made some moves yesterday.
She made concerted efforts to contact the kids - especially F - who has been sort of ignoring her for quite a while. Then she came for dinner and spent some time with the three kids. And I believed she lined up a slew of activities for the kids for the weekend - I overheard - although she did not tell me what she was planning.
And then she wanted to start to send the kids to school again. But she told me that now she wanted the weekend access to the kids to start from Friday evening to Sunday morning, instead of Friday evening to Saturday evening. I did not agree with this new arrangements at all. As for sending the kids to school everyday, I have agreed to allow her to do so on every Tuesday and Thursday. As for the evenings coming back for dinner - I told her before and I told her again - that the door to our house is always open (she still have the key) and she is always welcome back anytime.
After her dinner, she spent some time testing S on her chinese spelling (which I have already tested an hour ago) and also spoke to F at length. And of course playing with A, the little one. I passed her two DVDs that I bought for her (well, it is a habit anyway for me to buy things for her even though we are separated). It was getting late and she wanted to at stay and make the little one sleep.
She went with the little on to the bedroom and I was outside watching TV with F. After about 30 minutes when I went into the bedroom to check - the little one was still not sleeping - she was naughty yet again. But she saw me and called me papa and wanted me to carry her. I put her on the bed and hugged her and "pat pat" her and she was happy and fell asleep very quickly. My wife left the room and I fell asleep as well.
When I woke up an hour later, all the children were already asleep. And she was long gone - I supposed.
I went back to sleep again. It was a good day.
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5 comments:
Hi "wantedman3",
I just logged in to Sbrides and here to see if you are ok and coping. Not to be kaypoh, but I just wanted to know how ur getting on. I emphatise with u as I have gone thru what u have gone thru years ago.
Really, I think you are a great man, and a great father. It seems to me tht you are still hanging on to some hope tht she will come back to you. I dont know really, but u still love her deeply. I think it is unfair to you, and well, hopefully time will heal things and ur mind will learn to let go. We cling on to the hope, and wish for them to return. Its normal, considering tht you've been married for so many years and have 3 beautiful children together. But have u thought abt, how u guys will cope, if she ever return to you again? It will be a tough one, cos if she can leave u once, she can leave u again. Not trying to make u feel worse, but I hope u will accept it tht even if she comes back to you, history may repeat itself again. The root problem is tht, she claims she doesnt love you anymore. I know tht sometimes, for the sake of the children, u may give in to each other and try giving it another go.
Somehow, I feel angry for you, and I feel tht it is all so unfair for you. I'm sorry, but i just hope you don't get hurt again. If the person who cheated on me wants to come back to me, and I still love him, I may not consider taking him back too. The damage and hurt has been done, and it is difficult to gain tht trust again. Think abt your own happiness too. I know tht you will definitely put the kids first, but other than tht, do give a good thought abt your own happiness. Your wife has hurt you so badly, and even now, it seems to me tht she is not very remorseful. From the things tht she has done, its probably guilt for the kids tht makes her do certain things like coming around and see them, etc...but it is still not enough.
I am a mother, and I can't even bear leaving or not seeing my kid for more than 24 hrs! If a woman can bear to leave their kids, and a husband tht she has shared sacred marriage vows with, her heart is really made of stone. I don't want to create excuses for her, cos when marriage breaks down, the cheater always have excuses like she wasn't treated right, husband was cold, husband not responsive etc. But does tht gives the woman an excuse to cheat? No. The right thing to do is to stay and work it out and talk abt the problems and issue. If it doesn't work, go separate ways. But you do not go cheating on ur husband while ur married and when things starts heating up with the other man, u come back and tell ur husband u dont love him anymore and u wanna leave the family. That's really something tht someone with a heart of stone would do.
I would say to you, leave your wife....emotionally. Leave her now, and try not to be attached to her emotionally. I know its easier said than done. And for the sake of the children, stay close in contact. You can be there for each other physically, visiting each other to check on progress of kids. But really, for your own sake try to leave her, in your mind. She is already long gone, emotionally towards u, and I think you will be unfair to yourself by hanging on to tht hope. Yes, she may return, but she has already carved a big hole in your heart. Tht damage will always be there.
I know its tough man, really. I feel very sorry abt it. I know how ur hurting. Really. During my tough times, when he cheated on me, I literally dropped 10 kilos in 1 week. The pain, until today, is still there. But I am now happily married to another loving man...but, I feel angry at my ex, tht he hurt me the last time, because until today, tht scar is still inside me, and I couldn't get rid of it. I feel angry tht everything has moved on and everything is so happy for me, BUT, because of his one time foolishness, it has caused me this pain and bad scarring tht haunts me, up till today. If only it hadnt happen and we had a mutual split, I wouldn;t feel this way. But because I was betrayed and hurt badly, the scar remains. And it is my poor current husband who has to deal with my scar. Fortunately for me, my current hubby is a gem, and well, he has healed me, and I am so happy with him but like I said, tht deep scar is still inside, could get on with life, but scar, unforgettable.
hello mummy70,
thanks for your concern and support. I am still managing.
Yes, you are right that I still have hope. I know a lot of people have been telling me to move foward - in which I have already done so. But I am not prepared to lose hope all together - I may be stupid or whatever, but if I am not ready, I am not ready - I guess it takes a bit more time.
The affair only came into light less than 2 months so it is still a long road. My counsellor advised that 6 months is a reasonable time - after which it should be quite hopeless.
But I KNOW even if she comes back it would take a lot of start all over again - I am not thinking that day 1 everyone will fall into place - there is still a lot of work to be done. Right now I cannot think of this, I can only think of the day that the fog is lifted that she can see the light of day. I give myself a timeline of 6 months - of course I am not telling her this.
I do not see the affair as fair or unfair - right or wrong - it is quite pointless to think this way. And seriously, I never hated her and I don't even hate that man.
I can't think of getting involved with other woman until this whole thing is over - and to me - it is not over yet.
Anyway, thanks for your kind words and concern. At least I know I have the support of so many strangers.
Thanks again
Man,
Jia you and best of luck with finding happiness in your life ok?
You are one good man. May God lead u the way and have a blessed beautiful life ahead of you.
Yes, come to think of it, its only been 2 months. Sorry if sounded like I was trying to ask you to give up. Its just tht I have always been angered by cases of unfilial spouses. I believe things will turn out good for u in the future. Recently, another pregnant friend of mine got dumped by a cheating husband. I feel so bad abt the whole incident too. Sigh.
Again, good luck and may God Double Bless you.
hi, have been reading your blog since day 1 of this blog. would like to talk to you online if possible. Is there a way that i can contact u?
i am on yahoo messenger or microsoft messenger:
terminator33sg for Yahoo
or terminator33sg@yahoo.com for MSN
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