A calm day

It was a hectic day at work, going from one meeting to another. By the time I wrapped up everything at work, it was almost 6pm. But it was good for me as the focus on work allowed not to focus on the pain. As I was driving home, F SMSed me asking to buy plain paper. In reply I asked if mummy had called. She answered that SMSing mummy now. When I reached home, I changed into my running shoes and went for my walk. And as I was walking I thought about a couple of things. I felt good with the brisk walking. And I thought I felt good inside as well. I realized that the decision that she made was not an easy one. I thought I would send her an email something like this: “Now I realized that you had made a very difficult decision to leave me. I now begin to understand the pain that you have gone through to come to this decision. You felt so guilty and ashamed of facing me and you were merely giving excuses so that we can never be together again – so that you do not have to face me again. At the same time, you would feel the urge to spend as much time as the children as you felt that you owed them a lot. You need to spend time with time to compensate for the hurt that you have inflicted on this family. Sigh. I have to be patient. I will wait for you, be it a month, 6 months, 1 year, 5 years, 10 years or 20 years or till the day I lie on my death bed. I will wait for you to come and tell me that you still love me. I will wait and I will not close my eyes even when death has arrived if you do not say those words. And I mean every word I say.” But it was stupid of me to write such an email as you would construe it as being emotional threat again. Anything I say now would be useless. It will only make you run futher away from me. I completed the walk and headed home. It was a good walk and I measured my BP and it was back to normal. After a shower, I had dinner with the kids. Today was a good day as I did not shed a tear.