This blog is for those who had supported me by reading my blog (even silently) and providing encouraging words. I wrote the blog primarily as a release valve to express myself and to ease the pain inside me. It has been the most painful period of my life - much worse than when my mother passed away some 3+ years ago. And it has been a emotional roller coaster all the way - the highs extremely few and the descent to the depths of despair seemed endless. But I have to hold on to my seat - I cannot allow myself to be flung out of my seat. Now, I feel a sense of calm. At least now, her affair is over and I do not have to deal with the added pain of seeing her suffer too much. Right now, I only deal with her rejection of me. But I shall not wallow in self-pity nor will I try to beg her to return - I have tried that numerous times; told her I have forgiven her; told her to give me a chance to love her again and to make her love me again; told her to start our marriage like new as if we just got married; told her to let go of the past and to move forward; told her to come back to the family; told her that I love her too much to let go; told her I missed her every single moment; told her that the children needed her; told her that happiness is a choice that she can make; told her that i love her forever and will wait for her; and told her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her. It was useless. The more I do and say, the further she run and the more she hated me. Right now, I will do nothing. I will just wait silently, walk slowly along the path that I have created for myself. I am looking forward; I am doing the things that I always wanted to do but did not do; I am doing my morning walk everyday; I am blogging everyday; I am spending whatever time I can squeeze with the kids; I am talking to my kids everyday; I am helping them with their work; I am waking up early morning everyday to send the kids to school; I am checking on them everyday; and I am loving my kids every living seconds of my life. I shall carry a little light with me so that if she wants she can see me. And if she is ready, she will see me right in front and she can catch up with me. Even if she decides to take another path, I can only see a better me because I have changed for the better - to a more caring man and father. I have become better to myself and much much better to the kids. I can see happiness at the end of the road for myself and my kids - with or without her. It is really inspiring to know that there are so many strangers out there reading my blog and providing me with the support and encouragement. Trust me, whatever words and comments that you have provided - they really inspire me to be stronger and to stay strong. To my supporter out there, I say a heartfelt thanks. I know I will not walk the path alone. The journey is long but I am guided by the lights of support.