A new Dawn

I did not have much sleep and I woke up at 6am. I washed up and the children had almost finished their breakfast and was waiting for me. I found renewed strength when I see them. I sent them to school. It was a good feeling and it was the first time that I sent both of them to school at the same time. We chatted in the car and I can sense their happiness, especially S. And even F spoke happily about her school activities. I believed we exchanged some SMS. And when I asked you for a valentine date and you rejected, I went ballistic. I knew it was wrong of me to expect you to spend the valentine with me at this juncture. But I still went ballistic. As you said, you only want to spend time with the children. As for me, there is no feeling anymore. And we quarreled and I believed I lost my cool. The hurt that was accumulated over the last week just overflowed and I let out all the anger at one go. I knew I asked you to go to hell; I knew I told you that I hate you; I knew I said that you were cruel and heartless. But it was all immaterial as you didn’t feel a thing for me. And then I went off to work. And then you asked me if you should cancel your extension. I was so angry that I told you that it was none of my business. And later you told me that your boss wanted you to be back on Friday and have to cancel the extension anyway. I could not care less and I thought I would just fly as plan. And you didn’t seem concern at all, as you said: up to you. The hurt was terrifying. Yes, it did not matter to you anymore if I am going to fly at all. I can fly for all you care and even if I die, would it matter? Then I was busy with work and was in the usual Monday meeting. Half-way through the meeting I came out and I cancelled my flight. It was quite pointless. Whatever I wanted to do to make you take notice would not work. The truth is out, you did not care a damn what happen to me. And why should I waste $1000 just to spite you. It is quite pointless. When the day is done, I went home. And as usual, I have to face the kids alone. They seemed happy and do not seem to have an inkling of what is happening. And I believe it is better to keep it that way. I brought the two young ones to the doctor for their skin allergy problem. And surprising F also followed. While we were there, the nurse remarked that I was lucky to have three wonderful daughters. And she also asked about mommy and commented that I “was capable” enough to look after the three daughters. I felt happy and brought the children home.