The new World

A new world has begun. It was a strange world. All my life I have been through, I was never afraid. I was not afraid of the unknowns, of ghost or even death. But now, I am terribly terrified. I am afraid that I would lose her. It has now become a distinct possibility. Throughout the years, I have been supremely confidently of my life, of how I want to lead it and my life is completely filled with happiness – of a happy family of a lovely wife and three kids. I am happy – really – of course I could have been happier with more money and success but I could not be too greedy. I must be contented with what I have. Of course there were the occasional bickerings but I believe that is part and parcel of life. But now looking back the last 12 months has not been usual – all the while I was fighting a losing battle – I lost more and more to the point now where I am now, I realized how far I have allowed her to have drifted. We are like poles apart. Nothing we engaged in can clicked. Words were just used to hurt and words were quite useless as we do not communicate at all. But all these did not prepare me for this – that she feels nothing for me anymore and that she actually feel for someone other than me. The hurt is deep and I am at a loss as to how to face this truth. It is not only a lost love – it is more than that – it is like a reminder of how wrong I was and I believe my whole confidence in life is badly shaken. I took the kids out to buy things for them. When the younger daughter was trying the swimsuit and as I looked at her and realized that her mummy was not around – I shed my tears and I quickly turned away. And I have to swallow my tears and act perfectly normal in front of the kids. I could not possibly have let them have a clue of what is happening. And when they mentioned their mummy, I almost wanted to cry again.