She looks so beautiful

I was awakened at 4am by the little one – she was already awake and was creating havoc in the room – throwing things around, playing with my mobile, apply baby lotion on herself and so on and so on. Tried to get her back to sleep but she refused. Instead she would jump on me, calling out “pa pa pa pa” and then planted a few kisses on my cheek. I hugged her and kissed her lightly on the lips. She was so wonderful and simply being with the little one was enough to make me happy. At the same time it also woke up S who was complaining that the little ones threw her spectacles away. And the whole cycle repeated itself and I didn’t get to sleep. It was around 5:30 am that when the maid woke up and I let her out of the room for her to go to the maid. But by that time it was time for the children to get up to get ready for school. I woke up just before 6am and after washing, as I was opening the toilet door – I saw a figure moving into the room. It was her, she did not look at me and just threw a bag of dirty clothes into the laundry basket. I moved into the living room and I saw her there, unpacking her stuff and talking to the two kids at the same time. I sat there and watched the kids finished their breakfast and at the same time I was watching her. She did not look in my way but when I looked at her, I saw her radiant self and she looked so beautiful to me. But she did not look at me and it was obvious that I was a mere transparent object. Then I sent the children to their school. When I got home, she was still around. I sat on the sofa trying to read the papers. Then I realized that she was leaving as she took her handbag. She did not look at me but at the door she muttered some vaguely audible words: “I am going to work”. Then she was gone. And to me it was gone for good. I have no feelings, no emotions. My heart felt calm and I was composed. I have managed to feel nothing. My fate was sealed and I have to move on in life.