It is all beyond me

It has already been a few consecutive nights that I was awaken in the middle of the night - when I woke up I was wondering where I were. I looked around and realized that what happened seemed like a dream. She was no longer sleeping on the same bed as me. Then I went back to sleep again. This has been happening for the past few nights. I woke up slightly later, at 6:10am. The children have finished their breakfast and were sitting on the sofa watching some Japanese animation. And she came back and went into the toilet. I waited for her to come out of the toilet. And yes, she came out. It was still the same. We did not speak a single word between us. And very quickly the children hopped into her car and they were gone. And I was gone too - for my morning walk. When I came back from my walk, the maid was washing my car and the little one was sitting at the living room - looking out. When she saw me, she immediately stood up and called me: "pa pa pa pa aa aaaa". And I moved forward to carry her and kiss her. She kissed me too. And I played with her for a while before I went to wash up and made my way to work. I went home early today, before 5.30 pm. The children were at home and they greeted me when I stepped into the room. I retreated into the study room to clear my emails. It was uneventful as we ate our dinner and watched TV together. And then she came back for dinner. And still we did not speak a word and very quickly she was gone - without a word. We have already been separated for 3 days but we still see each other on alternate days. But no words between us. I did not feel very good when she came back, in fact I felt awkward, as if a stranger was in the house. I really wanted this feeling to go away but at the same time I wanted it to continue because at least there is still a hope. I am counting the days - counting the number of days to the point when she will make a final decision on the our fate. The writing is on the wall - it is pretty obvious that we are doomed to separation and yet as long as the final decision is not made - that is still a little hope of being together again. I am really wondering what I really want. Now, it seems that I am getting used to the fact and idea that she will not be around and we will be separated. There is no longer any pain. And yet, do I still habour any hope of reconcilliation? It is all beyond me. I have to move a step at a time, and let time decide everything. I have already told myself to move on in life and in all reality, I have already moved on in life.