It was a long day.

The kids were out with her except for the little one. I felt restless and drove my car out - with no destination in mind. After about an hour of driving I parked my car at East Coast Park. Then I started to walk. It took me almost an hour to get up to Sheares Bridge - overlooking the Kallang river flowing out into the sea. The wind was very strong up there and the incessant noise from the cars passing by was defeaning. I was there for half and hour and made my decent. Then I ended up on the other side of the bridge. The wind was even stronger and it was an exhilirating feeling. I felt good being there - all alone - and I felt very strong. It was another hour of walk before I got to my car again. All in all I had managed to kill more than 3hrs of my time and I went home. When I reached home, the kids were back but she was gone. I suddenly realized that I had not eating anything for the day and decided to cook some noodles with abalone! I had my dinner and was sitting in front of the TV watching Everton vs Chelsea and at the same time I was messaging with two new friends that I just made on the internet. They were strangers but I felt easier to talk to them. I have not spoken about my ordeal to anyone I know personally, the people who knew what I went through are people reading this blog and in some forums in which I visited and posted my experiences. And then my mobile rang. I refused to pick up as the number was not someone I knew. But the caller was insistent and then SMS came - asking to meet me. It took me a while to realize who the caller was - it was his wife (the wife of the man having affair with my wife). When I picked up her call finally she sounded sick. She wanted to meet me but I do not see the need. And we chatted a while on the phone - and she was starting to telling me things. Then she asked again to meet - saying what was the difference - we were chatting anyway. It was way past 11pm and she was driving aimlessly while talking to me and she sounded sick as I could hear her coughing once a while. And in the end I agreed to meet her. I met her at a 24hrs Kopitiam. It was already past midnight but there were still a lot of people around. She looked OK (not sick) in person and she started to tell me things. The first news was that her husband had just left the house with his luggage. And the second news was that my wife and her husband were still seeing each other. We talked a lot of trivial things about the affair but I knew I was not concentrating. I decided to go home. It was almost 3am and I was still not home. I drove around aimlessly as if I can find her on the road. Then I went home. I SMS her asking, saying a lot of nonsensical things. I knew I was gone, I had blew my top. She had again betrayed me. She had promised never to do anything with that man again - even if she was separating with me. She wanted to concentrate on her career and the children. As she said - her heart was dead and she did not even want to give me a chance. And now this! I called her, her mobile was not on. I called him as well and again the mobile was not on. Then suddenly, her SMS came in. She can still ask "What is happening?". But very soon she admitted to seeing him again. I wanted her to come back to see me to sort things out but she refused. Then again I gone crazy, I threatened to harm the kids if she did not come back and this time round she agreed to come back. I knew then what I did was wrong but I had gone mad. All the pain that I have gone through for the past month seemed to have gone to waste; all that I have done seemed useless. I was still a victim of my own emotion and was not able to think properly and clearly. She came back and I met her at the corner of the street. She was not her usual self - completely defiant and not at all remorseful for what she had done. She had all but forgotten about her promise; she only wanted to be with that man. I was mad, I told her that I would let her go but not for her to go to that man. I wanted that man to come and settle things once and for while. But she refused. Then I did the unthinkable - I called my eldest daughter to come out. I told her that if she really wanted to be with that man, tell it to the daughter now and not hide the truth. And F was out and she was already crying. I saw the fear in her face but I was too furious to think about anything. My wife dared not face her and tell her the truth. I told my daughter the truth about the affair right there. And it was all over. She was gone and I hung on to my daughter as we went home. As I reached home I began to regret what I have done. I apologized to my daughter and told her that I have hurt her. She was understanding and told me nevermind. And I knew that I have hurt my wife deeply by using the daughter against her. I SMS er to apologize to her but she did not respond. Then I realized something. I thought I knew what I wanted to do. I told the kids that they must not hate their mother, in fact they should tell her that they still love her and has forgiven her. I told them that their mother was lost and needed help to be herself again and if they wanted their mother back they should give her love and not hate. My two daughters agreed and they started to SMS her - telling her that they love her and have forgiven her. That was the best I could do. I tried to sleep but could not. And I brought the children to the market with me. She was not there - almost every week we would do marketing together but now she was not there. But my daugthers were good, they helped in the marketing, selecting the fishes and the vegetables. As I was driving off from the car-park, I did not know what came over me. I broke down in the car. My two daughters were consoling me softly. I knew I had to be strong, I wiped my tears and drove off. I have not had a wink the whole night and I tried to sleep but sleep would not come. I got up feeling very down and depressed. Then I went to see the doctor and asked for anti-depressant. I took one pill and felt much better. Then I wrote her the following email: Subject: I am so sorry I am so sorry for my outburst. I was not myself. I hurt you, I hurt F and I hurt S. I cannot forgive myself for doing those things. I beg for your forgiveness. I want to let you know that I will never kill or harm the kids. NEVER. I was just using them to threaten you. And I will also not harm him or his family. those words are just heated words of the moment. I hope you can forgive me. Yes, I have accepted the fact that you no longer love me and you love him. If you want to be with him as I said I will give my blessing. What I cannot accept yesterday night was that you two are still seeing each other secretly. If you two have made a decision to be together - it is only right that you let me know and not that I found out from other people's mouth. Anyway, the truth is out. I will let you go. there will be no bitterness. I still love you and care for you and I will care for our children to the best of my ability. I hope that you can forgive me for my outbursts. F has forgiven me but she is still a bit unstable. I will spend a lot of time with her and hopefully she can recover fast. I have hurt her deeply by saying those things in front of her - I know that I have sinned and only hope that she will recover and turn out to be a fine woman. Rest assured that I have no ill feelings towards him. What we have become today is between you and me - it is my failings not to fulfill your emotional needs - and I believe he is able to do that. I have failed to communicate to you; I have failed to be sensitive to your needs; and I have failed to be there for you when you need someone. I can only now be grateful of what you have given me - 17 wondrous years and 3 wonderful kids. I promise that I will work very hard to bring them up. I will not dissapoint you. May god bless you and you can find eternal happiness. You had have a hard life, in your childhood and even when married to me. I am just too imposing on my views, sigh, too late to say such things now. Anyway, I feel very remorseful now for what we have become; at the same time I feel so sad of having to leave you. But I will try to be strong. I will. Please come back to see the kids more frequently. They need a mother as much as they need a father. I will not stand in the way. I am just too selfish to try to stop you from seeing them. Sigh. I hope that you can treasure the true love that you have found. Try to control your temper, try to be more loving and don;t ever think of killing yourself - the kids - especially S will be very sad. I will not write anymore. Havent slept the whole night. Need to catch up with some sleep. always lovingly yours ex-hubby, I was on the bed, again trying to sleep and yet sleep eluded me. Then she SMS. She said that she do not hate me. And she said she was very lost and have checked into hotel. I SMS her a couple of more messages but she did not reply. The last SMS from her was that she was OK. It was already in the afternoon and the children wanted to go picnic. They told the maid to prepare some sandwiches and drinks and they loaded the stuff onto the car. And we went to Labrador Park for picnic. We did nothing much - just to let the children ran around and just lazed around. But everyone was happy and we made our way home. It was a long day for me and I felt drained and tired. I went to get dinner for them and after their dinner I went to sleep. It was a long day.