It will be a long long journey

I brought F and S out - S needed to make a pair of spectacles. And the little one was left with the maid to wait for my wife to fetch them. And not knowing where to go or what to eat, we convieniently packed some fast food and we ate it while I was driving them. When we reached home, it always already 3.30pm and they should be gone. But surprising the little one and the maid was still around. Before long she came and they left with her. I asked F and S to finish their homework and they quietly went into their room to complete their homework. After that I put on a DVD and we watched the DVD together. The show was almost over and they came back - just past 6pm. The maid fed the little one her dinner and I saw her carried a bag from the study room and went into the bed room. Then she continued to remove clothing and other items from the house and started to load onto her car. All these while she did not say much. And the children went about their business as if nothing was happening. I seemed to be the only one affected as I sat on the chair - feeling completely lost and devoid of feelings. When she finished her packing she went to look at herself in the mirror. I asked her to come to the bed room. I tried to hug her but she seemed hesistant, gave me a very fake hug. I just wanted to tell her to take care of herself and she was outside - but I could not speak coherently as I was already sobbing. She seemed irritated and asked me to stop the crying. She asked me to take it like as if she was dead. I stopped crying and she left the bed room. Then she opened the door and went to her car. I followed her to her car. I saw her start the engine of her car, turned out onto the road, stoppped for a while and then she drove it. I watched it till it disappeared into the corner. I went into the house and the little one came out crying - crying for mama. At that point, I simply could not control myself as I hugged her and we both cried as we hugged each other. Then F and S came to hug me and I hugged my three daughters all at the same time. I regained my composure and I clean the tears of the little one. And I went with S to the hawker centre to buy dinner for the kids. On the way back from ther hawker centre I asked S if she knew mommy was leaving. She nodded her head. I asked her if she was sad - and she said no. That was it - her leaving did not seem to affect anyone - not F, not S and not the little one (as she was too young) and definitely not my wife. I was the only one devastated because I still wanted so much to cling on to her. And how about her? I was wondering if her heart was made of steel that she could just walk out of the house - leaving the three children without a touch of emotion. The children had their dinner but I was in to mood to eat. It was going to be a long long journey and I knew then I have to be strong. The children are my inspiration. It will be a long long journey.